Welcome to the Adventure, Grasshopper!
Dec. 23, 2022

πŸ“ Epic Engagement Adventure: How Laura Lake Engages With Mess-To-Message Style Stories

Does marketing make you triggered? Perhaps it’s because it’s meant to. Laura Lake has a different approach.


Join us this week on Epic Engagement Podcast with guest Laura Lake!   She is a playfully curious entrepreNERD looking to elevate mess-to-message style stories so we can speak from our sparkle & courageously connect.

Also, she's a flippin' hoot. Enjoy, Grasshoppers!

Scholarship Applications will be OPEN for a 60 minute #StorySession with Laura Lake: https://forms.gle/e2XAWD5c5LKMnZwL9

 

Want to connect? Me too.  Join the We Kick Bot community - full of people just like you who want to make it rain without selling their souls. 

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Transcript

Interview With Laura Lake

RJ Redden: Hold on to your goggles.

Laura Lake: It's time for the Epic Engagement Adventure.

RJ Redden: Greetings, grasshoppers. Oh, today I have a special present for you. I know you've been good all year long, and, uh, I know that I'm starting early, but whoa, this is Christmas come early because today, today, I have Laura Lake on. Laura Lake is one of those humans that if I'm in a conference or in a networking event or in anything at all, I'm looking around for this woman.

Why? Because she is constantly filled with expert knowledge. One, but always is having fun. It does not matter what environment I see her in. She's having fun and I, I wanna have fun so, I snuggled up next to her and I said, please, please come on, my show. Tell, tell the folks about you and tell the folks how you engage.

That is how she got here today. Welcome Laura Lake.

Laura Lake: I think my new title is going to be Professional Snuggler.

RJ Redden: Um, one, one more for the team. Uh, yes. Uh, professional Snuggle team will. We'll be active in an area near you.

Laura Lake: So a Google team leader. Cuz I play

RJ Redden: Google team leader. Oh my God. There's a special hat for that.

You know that there is. Um, beautiful. Well, will you tell the people, uh, more about you, what you do, where you are, whatever you care to share.

Laura Lake: Ooh, whatever I care to share. Okay. So did you know that my eyebrows aren't the same color as my hair?

RJ Redden: I did not know that. That is wild for those of you on the podcast.

Uh, yeah, it's, it's absolutely the truth. Okay.

Laura Lake: It's totally true. Yeah. Um, okay, so some fun about me. One of my favorite questions when I interview people is I, I love to ask them, can you tell me three words that you would love to use to describe yourself or , because that can be hard. What are three words you would love your audience to use to describe you?

So I'm gonna do that for you. I love to describe myself as a playful, luminary, change maker. So that tells you a lot about me and a lot about how I show up. Because if we picture that and we add in some of my favorite values of connection and of love, and of elevating a conversation and creating change in the world ,you already have such a clear picture. No matter what I'm doing in the world, how I'm going to show up and how I would love for you to engage with me doing that. So then, who is Laura Lake? I am that playful redhead from the east coast of Canada. That's what I tell strangers on the internet. Um, but also I love to work with messed message style solopreneurs to elevate the way that they shared their struggle stories.

Cuz I'm pretty sure RJ, that uh, you do the work that you do or have changed up or expressed the work that you do because of some sort of struggle. With you or with somebody close. And those are the people that I love to have conversations with because then it's not just what did I learn in university? What did I learn from this top expert somewhere? But you get the personality to come with it and the truth which breeds transformation. So, woo, that's a little bit about me.

RJ Redden: Wow. Uh, yes, it is our struggles that in part shape who we are and how we show up. What did, what got you interested in this kind of work?

What made you go, I gotta do this?

Laura Lake: What is my struggle story? Okay, so my struggle story, I found out a fun way to word it for people. So I went from mascara tears to speaking at Harvard. That is like a fun thing, but really, how did I get to that cute little quote? Really? I started in architecture. I loved architecture since the age of five.

My brother and I would cut out the little house plans from the Sunday paper. We'd glue them into a Duo Tang, and then we would critique them. That was our nice time that we spent together where we didn't fight. So I loved it, absolutely loved it. Then I get into architecture, but the way that I did architecture was always about how do I change the way the people use the building without them knowing?

That's changing the way that they're using the building. So I wanted to promote active design. I wanted to promote health and wellness. I wanted to promote, promote, um, like higher performance through color, through texture, through style, through function. And then I took that and I brought it into coaching.

And that's when I realized that, you know, architecture was not the thing that I wanted. There's a bunch of stories there we can get into later. But it was, it was not that main thing. And yet these entrepreneurs are the ones changing the world. Was I doing a piece of that in architecture? Yes. Was I doing it enough that I wanted? No.

So when I got into entrepreneurship, it was, wait. I am surrounded by those change makers who are asking questions, who are questioning the status. And if I wanna create the change in the world that I wanna see, I don't have 10,000 lifetimes to do it. So why not help the 10,000 people do what they do best and be the bad asses that they are so that that change can happen now.

And so my daughter, when she grows up, instead of, you know, 10,000 or 10,000 lifetimes from now, I want it now. So really, it's been my journey with mental health. So I did the architecture with mental health because I suffered P T S D from a bicycle accident and what got me into speaking the way that I speak, I've always been on stage, like since the age I was four.

Yeah. I was on the stage. Yeah. Not afraid of that part. I was however afraid of the rejection. That we all have in our heads. We're like, wait, if I speak on a stage or even at the front of a classroom or in front of a group of people, they're going to reject me and that sucks. And where does that come from?

That's that tribal mindset of, well, if I don't belong and I don't fit in, they're gonna kick me out. And if they kick me out, I can't feed myself, can't dress myself, oh my God, I'm gonna die. Yeah. That's where that comes from. So my rejection story was talking about my accident. On stage in front of a bunch of people I didn't know, and I had this bright light in my face.

I had like a little piece of paper with notes on it so I wouldn't forget what I was talking about. And then a microphone in my other hand, and I am shaking, I am crying. I'm on that stage sweating from the light, not being able to see anybody. And I am ugly crying. I mean like, like that kind of ugly crying on the stage.

Yes. The first thing that popped into my head was, oh my God, my career is over. The audience is going to reject me because I reject me in this moment, and so I'm never gonna get any clients, and so I'm never gonna make any money. And so I'm never gonna feed myself, address myself. And oh my God, I'm dead., do you see that connect? Yeah. Yeah. So now I've transferred that whole rejection, the struggle stories, the traumas, and understood that these people who change the world like me, who have their own struggle stories, I'm giving them permission not just to share their stories, but to share the truth in their stories. And I don't mean the truth of the things that they did and the outcomes of that.

But the truth of that emotional journey that ties all of those pieces together, because that's the thing that is the universal language and it's the thing that connects us all. Yeah. So if I can speak to that and help you learn to love that instead of still feel the pain of that, imagine the change that these people will lean.

It just, it makes my heart sore every time I think about it.

RJ Redden: Just have to say this. I, I hate interrupting because I just wanna hear more, but like, it's, it's so rare to meet somebody who knows exactly what she's about.

Laura Lake: Exactly. and there's still those stories of, well, how much do I share? Am I being too personal?

Am I not being professional enough? Are they gonna see me as weak? What do we do in those moments? And so this is the conversation that I wanna have with those people that have those stories that tie together both the education, so we're not just talking about people who just have a story. You have the story and you've done the research and you've done the, the self-reflection and the right.

RJ Redden: You've worked through it.

Laura Lake: Yeah. You have solidly worked through this. Okay. So now you're trying to teach people the hardcore lessons that you have learned because you're like, you, you don't need to spend 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, I don't know, whatever your struggle story is to get to where I am, that sucked.

I don't want anybody else to go through that. What if I could help you in a year. What if I could help you in 10 days? Yeah, sometimes. What if I can help you in 10 minutes to jump over that 30 year hurdle? Yes. These are the people changing the world who are willing to tell the truth from an understanding of love and speaking it.

I say speak from your sparkle. Basically. It's from that healed place versus the pain. So I have a question for both you and all of your listeners. Have you ever heard a speaker share their story and they did a wonderful job? You were in that story with them. Oh my God. But then they talk about the results that they have now, and you're, you're torn between:

okay, but they have the results that I want, but they're still feeling the pain that I don't want , but they have the results that I want, but, but they're still feeling the pain and I don't want that. And so it's, it's this horrible bounce back and forth that creates extra tension within you.

RJ Redden: Terrible teeter-totter.

Laura Lake: Yeah. And that's part of how some of them are taught to market.

RJ Redden: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, that is completely a marketing plan. Yes.

Laura Lake: Oh yeah. And that's, I wanna change that conversation cuz coming from that side of mental health and having gone through trauma. What are you doing to me? You are encouraging and triggering my trauma response over and over and over until you get to the point where you are asking me to snap.

Yes. And fear. Yes, fear is a wonderful motivator, but I like to use fear as an identifier, not a motivator. Cuz if we use fear as a motivator, , then the direction is anywhere, but here anywhere. Anywhere at all. But if we start with the fear as an identifier, we're like, what is it that we're actually running away from?

Okay, great. We don't wanna be there. Where do we wanna be? Let's bring in that love. Let's bring in that desire, that passion. And so we're, we're asking people to empower their audience. Because they're already taking action away. Let's redirect that action to somewhere that they want to be. And that's what elevated stories do.

RJ Redden: Elevated stories. Tell me more.

Laura Lake: Ooh, yes. So some of you may be familiar with the heroes, heroes journey. It is basically the structure where many of those Hollywood films are based off of. They're like, here's an issue. Here's something it, it can be very complicated when you're talking about the Heroes Journey.

There's a simpler version called The Dip. So basically you have your start point. They create what that looks like. Then there's some sort of struggle. Something you have to overcome. Then there's the actions that you took. You get to see little progress and then there's, oh my God, here you are now. Now you're above where you started.

Here's what life looks like now. It's amazing. Oh my God. And that's just the basics of the dip. What I do with elevated storytelling is I take that dip. Yes, you have those stories. Yes, you have those structural pieces, but let's also find your emotional dip. Since again, emotions are the language that everyone understands.

No matter what actual language you speak, emotions are understood. So if I'm feeling sadness, I express sadness differently than you. My, my anger is actually expressed as sadness because for the longest time I thought anger was dangerous, and so I would default to sadness because in my mind I couldn't hurt people except for me.

Right? So we're all expressing emotions differently, which is those structural pieces of your story. But if I'm busy telling you those structural pieces of my story of I journaled, I did this, I did that. Here is what my life looks like. now you totally want this. Here's my bank account. Do you see it? Oh, God, then I know.

I know. Then what you're actually connecting with are those physical things. But if that's not how you express that emotion, you're not gonna connect with the solution at all. Yeah. Even if the solution is like the best solution for you, you're just not gonna connect with it. So then what I'm proposing is understanding how does your audience feel?

What is their emotional dip? Where they are, not where you are right now. Cuz you're at that tip. Where are they? What does that look like? What is the truth of that? Because if you can identify that for them, that's half their battle. Most of the time, they don't even know that there's something going on.

Or if they know, they don't quite know what it is, because they're not asking better questions to get better answers, to be more helpful. Yeah. So our job is to give more of that articulation, more of that clarity in those dark moments. To help them ask better questions. Maybe you are their answer, maybe you're not.

But I don't want to be a means to an end. I want to be a long-term relationship. I don't want you to use me. I want us to be friends like forever.

RJ Redden: Snuggle team leader. Uh, we are friends forever. Uh, yes, absolutely. Yeah, that is, I've never heard it put that way before.

First of all the logic approach of I was here and then I did this, and then I was here, and then I did this, and now look at my bank account. By the way, if I ever again hear another, apologies to all of the white dudes in the audience, but like, you know what I mean? Most of the people that we look up to, most of the people that are Mm, this is the idol.

They're, they're white dudes. Uh, and I love white dudes. White dudes are some of my best friends. Yes. But damn, we need some other voices going on. Anyway, that was a rant. Oh, I love it.

Uh, but like even the logical re representation, the logical representation. Without the proper emotional guide along with it doesn't work.

I've never heard it put that way before.

Laura Lake: Yeah, and that's why I call it the emotional dip, cuz most people do understand what a dip looks like, what that hero's journey looks like. They understand that they want results and that they want outcomes and they want strategies. But let's rephrase that just a little bit.

Strategies are good. Niche strategies are, personalized niche strategies are the best. Okay, so it doesn't matter which expert you go to. For them, that could be the top option that is working the best for them. We are all individuals with different personalities, different expressive types, and I will remind us that our business is not our baby.

Our business is an expression of who we are. So if we're understanding that, especially as a heart-centered entrepreneur, then how would you prefer to show up? How would you prefer to talk about these things? How would you prefer future you to talk to you today about the work that you do? Interesting.

Because if you are having any resistance on any of those words that you're using, you might wanna rethink those words. One of those words tends to be stress right now. Everybody's like, oh my God, I don't even like the word stress. Let's just not talk about it. Try something else. Try the word challenge. Try the word obstacle, you know, infill other words, so that instead of your mind stopping like mine does, my mind does this all the time.

If there's a word that I don't relate to my mind's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We cannot go any further. Please clarify because this is icky and I don't like it. Like Yeah. And so I'm not hearing anything else that you've said, even if it's helpful. So understanding that if there are words like that, recognize them.

Yeah. Give even if in your head when somebody says a word that you don't like, like for instance, one of the last words I was exploring was the word divine, because it has a religious connotation and I'm not religious, so how am I relating to that? it would stop me every time. Now when somebody says divine, I say, okay, well there's God, there's the universe, there's spirit, there's inner guidance, there's your gut.

Like I can put 20 words in there now, which makes my mind continue versus just that one word that makes, that makes it stop.

RJ Redden: Yeah. Yeah. I, I have that overused phrases trip my trigger. Yes, they do. Because it's like, oh, uh, yeah, but what does that word mean? Like, you know what I mean? Is that a word that you're using because you've heard other people say it? Because don't use it on me.

Laura Lake: Yeah, let's talk about that for a moment. Okay? Okay. Because here is my biggest hook when I'm talking to people or when I'm giving my main talk. I call BS On the whole, no, like and trust.

RJ Redden: Yeah, that's right. You do talk about that and

Laura Lake: I, I do, I do, but I don't do it in a hurtful way.

I said at the beginning, I'm playful and a change maker. I want to elevate a conversation. So what I'm not saying is, I'm not saying that, oh my God, this is the horrible thing. Don't listen to it. What I am saying is the copy pasted version of it. No. Like and trust. No, like, and trust. Just get people to know you, like you and trust you.

Then they'll buy from you. I had all those many times, nobody bought a thing , we've all been there. So then it's the way that we're using it that I call BS of. Yeah. And I, instead of just saying this is wrong, you also have to give a suggestion, a potential solution. So my , my solution to this is an elevated formula that I call the Courageous Connection Formula, which is what, uh, the soloprenuer conference that I've created and host every year is built on. Like all of it are these insights of that whole conversation of mental health that we've been having, that whole conversation of wanting to create change, of being heart-centered entrepreneurs and having those struggle stories where we want to share because we know the truth is transformational, but yet we still kind of have those rejection stories.

So how do we get people to know, like, and trust us so that they can buy or hopefully, um, in a way that makes everyone involved feel good. Yeah.

RJ Redden: Uh, that's such a different process than most people will. Yes. Oh, yes. You know, most people will use like, and, and I'm, I'm a, you know, changemaker disruptor. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Mm-hmm. . Uh, I recently changed my LinkedIn profile. The banner now says, just say no to conventional marketing . .

Laura Lake: I like it .

RJ Redden: That and, and I, I, I label myself now as a tra traction strategist.

Laura Lake: Oh, yes.

RJ Redden: Mm-hmm. , I know. That's what, you know what I mean? Like, I, I love to, uh, I love changing that thing every once in a while and yeah, my, I'm, I'm becoming so snarky, uh, but to me, , it's, it's, it's disrupting the flow of here are everything.

Here's everything you should do and be to make a million dollars because I did ah, uh, and turning that on its head, you will only make whatever your goal is, uh, and achieve whatever your goals. through truly being you, not by copying anyone else.

Laura Lake: Oh my God, I love you. Thank you.

RJ Redden: I love you too. We need to hang out.

I know you're like in Vancouver, you're, you're in Canada somewhere, but like,

Laura Lake: I'm in Halifax. Nova Scotia.

RJ Redden: Mm-hmm. . Oh, okay. Other side RJ. Uh, but uh, but yeah, I mean, like we, we, we need to, there needs to be a live event that we're both at at some point.

Laura Lake: Ah, yes. Wait, where are you?

RJ Redden: Omaha, Nebraska. Nebraska. Okay.

It's okay.

Laura Lake: It's in the role opposite .

RJ Redden: It, it's like, it's like in the middle, like most people fly over it. Um, okay. Once you've seen corn, no. That's really all we have. Uh, so nobody stops here, but, uh, but yeah, no, I mean that is, that is truly the call of it. And I love how you are introducing, you know, that, that kind of emotional bent on there because honestly, you know, I can, I can.

Technical tactics on people all day long. Yep. And I am scattering seeds on a parking lot because I have not found out who they are, what makes them resonate, and uh, and emotions do that. Emotions make people resonate. Hmm.

Laura Lake: Because that's that thing, that's the thing that connects us. So if, if I'm expressing sadness, , you automatically get that I'm expressing sadness no matter how I've chosen to express it.

Or mostly okay. Sometimes people express it much differently than the general population. That's okay. Whatever way we choose, as long as it's healthy, that's the goal. Um, but these stories, when we're addressing emotion, and I don't mean I feel sad or I felt sad, we're showing. , that's part of storytelling.

Those who speak, they understand that we show what we're trying to to say versus saying what we're trying to say. So when we show our emotions automatically, what do people do? They're trying to fill in some sort of way of how to relate. Mm-hmm. , they're like, why am I listening? They're constantly searching for that.

So if we show how we're feeling, then people go, oh, I felt that before, but I don't journal like. Jane does. I'm just making stuff up. Yeah. I don't know if Jane Journals, but let's just say Jane Journals. I'm not a journaler. I have tried countless times. Consistency is just, it's not working Okay. But I get that Jane's feeling sad and she uses journaling to help her feel better.

In my mind when she's telling me that story and showing me how she's dealing with sadness through her journaling, then I'm like, oh, what is it that I like to. To help me express my sadness. Yeah. What is it that I do to express anger? What is it that I do when I'm feeling rejected? Ah. And so now when somebody else is talking about the things that they did, I'm filling that in with the things that I do or that maybe I would like to do.

Yeah. Because maybe there's healthier, better options. Yeah. Right. And so this is building connection instead. only connecting with certain people who express things the same way you do, right? Yeah. Right. And so this, this is where my other, um, quote is, I help you to create versus find clients. Everybody's like, I need more clients.

I need more clients. I need more clients, which is a whole other conversation. About networking and all of that, which I'm pretty sure we'll get into cuz that's part of my secret sauce. But creating clients is about that understanding that we are emotional beings, whether you like to think of it or not, because think of the logical decisions we make.

Every bit of logic is based off of emotion. We care about something because of emotion. We don't care about something because of emotion and so we give it different. based off of emotion, and then we logically choose based off of the weights of all these different data points. So if you're not involving emotion at all, you can check out some studies.

I don't know what they're called, but there are some studies of people who have lost that emotional part of their brain. Mm-hmm. cannot make decisions. . Yeah. Wow. So think about that. If you are not including emotion at all in the way that you're trying to connect with your people to market, to communicate with them, to understand them, you're leaving out so much.

And if nonverbal communication is over half of all communication Wow. Like it's, it's even more. .

RJ Redden: Oh my gosh. I'm just thinking of that as it applies to the tiny squares that we occupy now.

Laura Lake: Let's elevate that even more. Okay. So you and I are entrepreneurs. Yeah. We know many entrepreneurs. We work with many entrepreneurs.

So those who are listening, um, here are the stats before covid. Okay. We haven't done studies since, um, in this way. So before Covid, the general population, one in five, suffered from mental. one in five. Okay. Service providers, police officers, firefighters, like that kind of stuff. People who put their their life on the line every day.

They were one in three entrepreneurs. Take a guess. One in two. Yep. I think we had this conversation before. Yes. One in two. So if it's you and I here on this video, the chances are at least one of us, probably both. our suffering from mental health issues right now. Mm-hmm. , I can raise my hand. I had an anxiety attack this morning and yes, I understand mental health and I have lots of these tools, but it doesn't make me immune.

Same thing with every other industry we are all in. Just because we're experts in it doesn't make us immune to the struggles of, it just means we get up faster, we get back to where we were faster, and it's easier.

RJ Redden: I know that it, it's such a daunting statistic.

Laura Lake: Yep. Um, and then now Covid, sorry, I just wanna interrupt just for a second. The only studies I've heard so far after Covid is that the general population is probably one in three ish right now. I can't imagine where everybody else is. Right? Can't. . And so this is why I want to talk about those heavier topics, being playful and luminary is that other side of the depth and the heart and the truth that I talk about.

So when we're having a conversation about your story, sometimes it does get dark, sometimes it gets heavy, sometimes all the time it, it can be quite uncomfortable. , but I used to have those conversations and say, you can't be that happy-go-lucky person. It, it's nice sometimes, but people just think you're a child.

And I was told that a lot. But I will remind people that when people say things like that to you, they're actually calling out their value. They just see the other side of it. So if I'm being called childish, if I'm being called this happy-go-lucky person, that just doesn't. , they're like, man, she's so positive.

She can find the light in practically anything. She's so playful that she can make everyone around here finally feel comfortable and express themselves. That's part of my superpower, and I'm learning to accept that.

RJ Redden: Yes, yes.

Laura Lake: Wow. Yeah.

RJ Redden: Uh, I mean, there's a whole, there's a whole path to go down there on that, but I know.

Let me ask you, because I must get back on track, what is, because we were talking about your secret sauce before we got on there. Yes. Can you, can you talk to us about how you engage your people?

Laura Lake: Well, let's tie it all in for everyone because every single piece of this is tied together. I'll tell you my secret sauce in a second, but really, where does it come from?

It comes from my journey of mental health issues. It comes from working through the struggles. It comes from understanding transformation, needs that depth, it needs that, that weight, as well as the playfulness. Cuz you know what? My secret sauce is? What? Showing up and engaging. Being that person that somebody else needs in the moment.

So when I go to events, especially live events, I started doing this years ago. This is actually how I met my speaking mentor. Um, I went to his talk and I'm like, I'm gonna sit front, row center. Mm-hmm. . And I sit there and I watch the person talk or center to wherever the speaker is. So if the speaker's at a podium, I'm centered to the podium.

If the speaker's watching, walking the stage, I'm centered to wherever their walking space. so that wherever they are on the stage, they can see my face, they see me reacting, they see me and my facial expressions. So for those of you watching the video, you can tell I can be quite expressive Yes. In my voice and my face and my body language.

So I am, as we mentioned earlier, over 50% of all communication is non-verbal. I am non-verbally communicating with. The entire time they are on that stage. Mm-hmm. from the time they're on the side and they haven't walked up the steps or come from the curtain or whatever it is until the time they leave.

Who is the person they're looking at? Yeah. Me. Who is the person they're communicating with the most? Me. Who's the person they walk up to first when they walk up off that stage? Me. And when it's in an online event, what does the speaker. Sometimes they can see our faces, so that nonverbal communication is wonderful, but sometimes they can't see our faces, or sometimes they're looking for feedback and because they're not in that room with faces that they're so used to.

We're now in this online platform. I'm engaging in the chat. Yeah, I'm typing out the things that they're saying. I'm writing notes. I'm putting in what their offers are, what their website. , anything that they say that they would love if somebody could just take notes or send an email about afterwards? I'm in the one in the chat doing it.

Yeah. And so I never, yeah, I'm never calling myself out. Look at me. I'm engaging in the chat. Do you see all my notes in here? You should totally listen. I'm never the one doing that. Usually it's either the event. or the speaker who is like, man, who is this Laura person? Yep. Are they a part of your team?

Because they are doing amazing. And then the event host is like, no, she's not part of our team. She's just an attendee and wow, we should have her back. I can't tell you the amount of free things I've gotten. Like, please be a part of my course. Please be a part of my challenge. Please be a part of my beta.

Please come to this event for free. Please, you know, speak here. Do. . Countless. Okay. Countless. I don't have enough time to do them all or even follow up with everyone. My presence and my engaging presence is my superpower. Yeah. Yeah. ,

RJ Redden: yeah. Engaging presence. And I, I'm so right there with you because like, um, you know, I mean, I, I do, I do many of the same things basically because I'm a speaker and, um, I.

I, I need, what I'm doing is providing the kind of feedback that I know I'm gonna need when I get up to the mic. You know what I mean? So it's like, hopefully somebody will get the hint here. Um, but like, I mean, I, I will, uh, You know, do some shot and I'll do some. And I used to do that a long time ago, just as part, because when we all started live streaming, it was like, oh, this is so cool.

Um, and, uh, and so I would help friends and then friends would show up at my show and help me. Yep. And uh, and so it was kind of a thing there, but like Right. Your engaging presence. Will steal the attention of that speaker or that event planner, and they will. I have been, I have been like, I, I have been asked, Hey, could you take this class?

Because I really would like to have you in the room. Oh, uh, Laura, uh, bounced out for a second. I believe she'll probably be right back. So I'm gonna play a tiny commercial. Uh, and then wait for Allora to come back. Uh, cuz uh, this segment brought to you by people who

Laura Lake: write checks in the grocery line, honey,

RJ Redden: is that still a thing?

All right. That was our commercial. Let's bring Laura back. Hey. Oh my God. I love that commercial .

Laura Lake: People still write checks and Cro Sheila

Oh, so good. Cause you're like, it's called debit tap. Like just two seconds. And then those people who don't know how to write like, um, cursive anymore. Yes, which is me. I've printed so much. You're like, I don't even remember how to make these letters. So they're even

RJ Redden: slower. Oh yeah.

Laura Lake: Oh, delightful, delightful,

RJ Redden: delightful.

Sorry about, so we were talking about your beautiful and magnetic engaging presence, and that is how you engage your people. Mm-hmm. ,

Laura Lake: it's amazing, you know, cause I've, go ahead. Yeah. My favorite part of it. is that constant because I put notes in the chat, not for that attention. I put notes in the chat for me, , I was like, I need to remember what it is that you're saying.

And I just saved the chat afterwards because I need to save the chat for other people's insights and contact information. So I'm like, fine, I'll just put all my notes in the chat. And then everybody has the notes and I get everybody else's notes all in one spot. But really I do it for me. I. do it for the attention.

And I think people can feel that as well. Yeah, because I only choose events now. Not at first. At first I was like, oh, the free things must learn everything. It's self-validation, self-validation, self-validation. Um, now it's like, can I show up at at least 80%? Cuz if I can't show up at at least 80%, I'm actually taking away from the engagement and the presence and the feeling of the event.

And I don't feel for me that that is. Yeah. That's not a choice for everyone, but that is my choice because I like to show up like that. Yeah. I like getting to know people. I like when the speakers are like, dang, have you seen that Laura girl in the chat? Can we bring her up on stage? Yeah. Same thing on Instagram.

Lives on Facebook. It just happens. Okay, so how are you being you? What does that look like for you? And if you're an introvert, I'm an extrovert. Hence the presence part. But if you are an introvert, what does showing up fully look like for you? Maybe you are that type of person who loves to listen to a live stage or an online video like this one or podcast, and you're like, I love this.

And then you take that time, which you are so badass at. process it all in your head. I'm an external processor. That doesn't work. But for you, you are amazing at it. So you're like, I process it all. And then what presence might look like for you is maybe commenting. Mm-hmm. afterwards on a podcast or on a, a social media post.

Or maybe sending a direct email saying, I love this stuff, here's what I learned, here's why people should follow such and such. You are still. You are still shouting out the person and they are still feeling your love. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Well, and

RJ Redden: that's, that's the thing that I think that people just, a lot of people when they approach their marketing, especially with conventional methods, it's about you, you, you, you, and getting that, you, you, you, you out to as many people as possible.

This is the absolute opposite. Yes. This is, I'm gonna, I'm gonna provide a little, a little megaphone for someone else. Yes. I'm gonna make someone else look like a rockstar for a bit. And then, uh, and then maybe I'll connect with them later and ask 'em if they wanna have a check.

Laura Lake: Can I share two secrets with you?

You have to. Oh, I have to. Okay. So the first secret is one. I felt, but I didn't put into words. So a friend of mine, Michael White House, he is the networking concierge. He does relationships like a badass man that he is, uh, he had described networking like the rich, which was actually one of my greatest reels.

Just telling people to come to the class for the silver burner conference, like there was no information just come. Um, what he says, networking, like the rich, what does that look? . It means we're not there to be like, be my client, be my client. Buy my stuff, buy my stuff. They're there. They are there to help you, to serve you.

So instead of saying, oh, I have this thing, here's my offer, here's my business card, anything like that, it's how can I help you? Like what? What are your dreams? What are your aspirations? What are those things that you're working on? And what is it that you need in this moment? How can I help you with those?

because 90% of the time, 99% of the time, it's not them. It's one of the connections that they have amazing referrals. Hence why referrals are so important as a part of business. That's secret number one is when you're networking, stop making it about clients. , as I do my motherly finger wiggle and start making about helping people and, sorry, let's rephrase.

Because helping means that we will become volunteers in our business and uh uh, uh, okay. We are serving people in business is about getting some of that appreciative money, the gratitude of money in exchange for that service that you've provided. Okay? That's secret number one. Secret number two, I'll just give you the surface level because really and truly there is so much depth to this that I cannot.

On this podcast, but it'll give you enough to make you think. We had mentioned earlier the whole no, like and trust. Yes. And how I call BS on that. I don't really like to swear, so I just say BS, , and, um, I've created a new, an elevated version called Courageous Connection. So here's the secret. The secret is that no, like, and trust does exist, but we're using it incorrectly.

Here's how it actually. At its surface level. Again, so much depth to this. As business owners we're told, we're taught to be like, rj, get to know me, get to like me, get to trust me. And then you're gonna buy from who? Me? Exactly. Me, me, me, me, me. So what am I telling people? I'm telling people business is all about me.

But those I know, but those heart-centered, entre. , especially the ones who have stories, they realize their stories, their business is no longer about them. Mm-hmm. , it's not. So my job as a business owner is to get to know the inner me, get to like the inner me, get to trust that inner me because as a mess to message style solo printer that inner me.

Is the person that I'm trying to connect with. Yeah. If I don't get to know, like, and trust that version of me first, how am I ever, how am I ever going to get to know them, get to like them, get to trust them as my audience, as my followers, that's my clients. And then in that is how I'm creating a container.

So that that person who is in the midst of their struggle and just wants to run away from the fear with no direction, right? That is how they learn to get to know themselves, get to like themselves, get to trust themselves. The last part's the key, get to trust themselves to put what you have into. to be able to not just know about the things that you have, but to understand them so that they can manipulate them and personalize them on their own with you as a guide.

Yeah. That trust in themselves is the key to their transformation. It is not trust in us. I tell people, please don't trust me. I need you to put that trust in you. Use that extra effort to build trust in yourself. . Yeah, I am. That container, that safe space for you to be able to do that. Yeah, and by doing it myself, I am inspiring and teaching through example so that they can learn that as well.

And now once they get to know, like, and trust themselves a little better, guess what happens naturally? Mm-hmm. , they know me, get to like me and get to trust me. . Yep. But that heart-centered entrepreneur, especially the stress, uh, messed message kind, they understand that we are not everyone's answer. We don't want to be the means to everyone's end.

We want those relationships that are gonna last, and we just want you to feel better because we understand the pain and we didn't like it either. Yeah. So if. I'm connecting somebody to you, rj, because you do what they need in the way that they need it. Oh my God, I feel amazing because I've helped this person that I care about in the way that they need it, not the way that I want it.

And that is true connection. That is true love. That's that unconditional love that many of us don't understand, and it took me until a couple years ago, okay, I lie like four years ago. To understand what unconditional love felt like, and it was just a moment at the beginning, but this is what I'm asking of the marketing world of the entrepreneurs.

I want to change that conversation because we are human beings and we would all like to be treated like human beings who have something valuable to contribute to society. Yeah, yeah. And becoming a better version of ourselves is that change that we wanna.

It all together, but wouldn't it be done if it was done in a playful, luminary, and change making way? Yes. ? Yes. Look,

RJ Redden: my, my mic is suspended, so I can't drop it for you. I can drop. Do, do you have one? You gonna help me out? Okay. Thank you so much. Um, that is, uh, we, we need to talk, we need to talk about a shindi I get coming up.

Um, but, uh,

Laura Lake: is, is there travel? Is there travel involved? No, because I wanna leave Canada more. I left Canada for the first time in July. Oh, did you speak at Harvard this summer? Yeah, it was crazy. But now I wanna leave more cuz I really like. Yeah, .

RJ Redden: Um, I haven't left in a long time. It's been over a year since I've left Nebraska, but no, that's coming, but, uh, not, well, not yet later.

Uh, but anyway, uh, well, I want to, uh, would you talk a little bit about the free gift that you have for everybody?

Laura Lake: Ooh, yes. So, thankfully we had this lovely conversation. who I target. I target that old version of me who was fearing my rejection stories, fearing my mental health issues, fearing how to do business in a way that actually felt good and aligned for how I want it to express business.

So my offer for people is something that I call a story session cuz I love hearing people's stories. I love talking to people, and I would easily spend 20 hours a week on one-on. easily, like my calendar was booked. Yes, I'm not doing that anymore. Instead, I've turned it into something where both of us get some gratitude, depreciation, and value in it.

And I call it a story session because we talked about the dip. Most people understand the structure of the dip, how to create a story. But what a story session is, is I wanna help you really dig deep and identify what your story. Because your story does not generally start with when I was five . And then you gimme your whole life.

That is not your story. Okay? That is a piece of your story. We're gonna break it down. So identifying your story, then I want to use story sessions to help you elevate the way that you share your story. So identifying and sharing. Sharing is that piece of the emotional, um, excuse me, the emotional. along with other pieces.

I have five different pieces that I cover in each of these sections. And then the last one is converting your story. So yeah, it's great that you have a story. Yeah, it's great that you have this emotional dip and we've connected, but now what? What do you want people to do with it? That's that key piece.

So let's convert people wherever they need to be converted. And that doesn't mean buy your biggest package Sometimes. Yes, sometimes. Sometimes converting means connecting them to somebody else. Yeah. Who has what they need.

RJ Redden: Exactly. Converting is just getting someone to take some actions.

Laura Lake: Take action, yeah.

For them, based on trusting themselves, not for you, based on them trusting you. Cuz it's not about me, it's about elevating the world. And if I get to have a piece of that journey, oh my god, yes. . So good. So what I've done is I actually have a scholarship application form for a free story session. It is valued currently at $450.

So 60 to 90 minute session. I tell people book 90 minutes, but it's, it's generally 60. Sometimes we go over a bit cuz I never wanna leave you hanging, especially emotionally and I make sure that we start the work together. on whatever area we feel together that you could use some support on. Most of the time it's in that identifying piece.

It's very rarely in converting even when you think it's in converting. So we'll, we'll go through that together. I take your notes, I video record everything. I send it to you. You just need to show up and tell me your story, which is what you love to do anyway, and it's in a safe place where I get to share love with you and reflect back the things that I see.

The. And we work through things together. Wow. Now you can do that speech. Now you can write that book. Now you can create that podcast or write that post with such conviction and articulation. Ah, it's beautiful.

RJ Redden: Wow. . Well, I'm gonna be taking you up on it. Um, uh, I'm, uh, I will be filling that out. Uh, is that, that's,

Laura Lake: uh, So here's the kicker though, because it's a scholarship application and we're close to the holiday season, it closes extra long for you.

Um, it closes at the end of 2022. Okay? So December 31st, whatever time, I'm probably not even gonna look at it till the second. So , if you happen to slip it in, basically as long as I get your application before I look at. , I'm gonna be choosing a winner based on who has applied. And it's only one person. But if you would still like to book, I would love to offer your people a discount.

Yeah. If they look, cuz sometimes you don't win. Um, if you wanna book, I think it's a hundred dollars off. Let's make it a hundred dollars off. So it'll be three 50 for the hour instead of four 50. Yeah. Yeah. But really it's that launching point for everything else that you wanna do.

RJ Redden: Well, and it goes back to.

No, like, and trust yourself. Yep. Uh, this is definitely part of the know, uh, and having someone objective listen to you, um, and kind of help you along the way. That's how you, that's how you build that. No, like, trust. I'm just so happy to have you here.

Laura Lake: Um, I wanna tell you one more super superpower. Okay. Tell me, here's what makes, here's what makes these sessions even more powerful than you would think.

Okay. I, I know how to read. And if I know how, I mean intuitively, I read your eyes. So literally people have sent me just a little frame of their face just above their eyebrows and the tip of their nose just showing me their eyes. And they're like, you think you're so good? And then they send me that.

They're like, tell me about me. and I send them this huge piece of text. I'm like, this is your personality. This is how you think. Um, here's some stuff about your love life. Here's some problems. Your deepest darkest secrets, some of your greatest desires. And they're like, wait, what? So if I'm having that conversation with you as you're talking, I see beneath that armor I see beneath the masks that you wear.

And I see that true version of you, even the maze, that it can be sometimes and. Really, it is that safe space. And I find every single time I have a one-on-one with somebody, they tell me a secret. And then there's like, wait, I just, nobody knows that. Like not even my wife, not even my partner, not even whomever.

Nobody else knows that. Why did I just tell you? I'm like, this happens all the time. All the time. . Yeah. Yep. I've had many, many men cry in our first session together. Wow. Like even just a conversation. . It's not even a story session, just a general conversation. They're like, wait, how did you ? That's fine. It's because I allow you to have emotions.

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. ,

RJ Redden: well, well, there's, there's a lot here. Um, audience, please digest, uh, hit upon that link. Apply. Uh, my peoples, my grasshoppers. Uh, this is a person close to my heart and I highly recommend, uh, not only do I recommend I'll be applying myself, so, uh, do the thing. Do the thing. Okay. Um, it's time.

Right. It's time. Time. Okay. Uh, so thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming. Thank you for, uh, having a wonderful, deep conversation with me and my audience. Are there any last words, last pearls of wisdom that you would like to share?

Laura Lake: Some of my favorite things are hiking, nerdy cosplay, and deep convers. And I don't, I think my Mario hat is over in the corner and I can't reach it.

Or I would totally put it on right now. I

RJ Redden: know that's, I know. I've seen it. And it's magnificent people. It's a magnificent Mario hat. Uh, very good. Well, my friends Mcgras hoppers, my darlings. We will be back next week. Uh, we will have another special surprise, awesome guest. Uh, and same, same bot time, same bot channel as you.

Uh, if you celebrate any holidays in the way, happy Holiday and uh, we will see you later. Say goodbye to the audience.

Laura Lake: Oh myself. Bye.

Laura LakeProfile Photo

Laura Lake

Playfully curious entrepreNERD looking to elevate mess-to-message style stories so we can speak from our sparkle & courageously connect.